Intimacy in aged care environments
A published charter acknowledges that many individuals in residential aged care, or receiving home care services, continue to lead active sexual lives.
By the National Seniors Research team.
In June 2024, the Older Persons’ Advocacy Network (OPAN) held the webinar Your Right to Intimacy, which explored the often-taboo topic of sex in aged care settings. The recording is available online and is well worth a listen—or you can read the transcript.
The key takeaway from the webinar was the urgent need to start talking more openly about intimacy and sexuality in aged care. The discussion referenced the Charter of Sexual Rights and Responsibilities in Residential Aged Care, a document released in 2022 as part of the Ready to Listen campaign against sexual assault in aged care.
However, the charter is not solely about preventing sexual assault. Equally important is its recognition that many people living in residential aged care—or receiving home care services—have an active sexual life. Just as everyone has the right to say no to unwanted sexual activity, we also have the right to say yes to intimacy that is wanted and welcome.
Many aged care residents and clients do—or wish to—engage in sexual activities, whether alone or with other people. Research from across the world shows that overall, aged care residents have a positive attitude towards sexuality and feel it is still relevant.
One of the problems is that aged care workers are generally poorly trained to help their clients manage an active sex drive if they need assistance. For example, as the webinar panellists discussed:
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Workers may not know what to do if a client wants regular access to sex toys or sex workers’ services that they cannot organise for themselves.
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They may not know how to respond in a non-shaming way if a client becomes aroused while receiving personal care.
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They may respond negatively if a facility resident with dementia engages in sexual activity in a public place.
Insufficient time, knowledge, and communication skills are other barriers aged care workers face.
Even if an aged care client doesn’t need any assistance, some aged care services or facilities actively hinder older people from expressing themselves sexually.
Barriers can include a lack of privacy for residents or clients, a general anti-sex attitude (for example, within some religion-based aged care providers), or specific modes of hostility such as homophobic or transphobic views that can bury a person’s entire sexual identity.
It is also rare for aged care facilities to offer double rooms for established couples. This means that even married, religious, heterosexual couples who have been together for decades may find it difficult to continue a sexual relationship if one or both enter residential care.
Your topic suggestions
Our Generation’s sex column has been running for more than a year now, and we’ve had lots of encouraging responses from members—thank you!
We have some ideas for future column topics, but we’d also love to hear from you. What topics would you like us to cover? Email us any time at research@nationalseniors.com.au.
We can’t promise to cover every topic suggested, as there always needs to be a research angle and credible sources for us to draw on. But we would really value your input.
Here are some of our ideas—what do you think?
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Using dating apps as an older person
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Negotiating what you like with a sexual partner, whether they are long-term or new
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Non-sexual intimate touch options for people without a partner
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Body image and sexuality as an older person.
In 2019, a group of Australian researchers reviewed the evidenceand identified 22 ways that aged care providers can provide a welcoming environment for clients and residents to express their sexuality.
These include promoting cultural change, changing spaces to enable privacy, incorporating social and therapeutic activities that support safe sexual expression, and much more.
Specific education and training for staff on assisting aged care recipients to meet their sexual needs is an important part of the solution, as other studies have found.
Australian researchers have identified nurse managers as ideally placed to implement these improvements within residential facilities.
So, if you’re in an aged care facility or planning on entering one, why not send the nurse manager a copy of the review paper to help them make meaningful change?
You can download it from here and email or print it.
The big, underlying elephant in the room is the assumption that all older people are asexual or post-sexual—or that we should be! British researcher Paul Simpson has labelled this phenomenon ‘ageist erotophobia.’
This assumption is something we can all start to address. We hope we are addressing it with this sex column. We encourage all you wonderful readers to tackle it too by having at least one conversation every week about sex among older people!
The OPAN webinar panellists addressed it as well, especially the fabulous Gwenda Darling, who proudly and loudly asserted her own sexual desires and needs. Ms Darling is a Palawa woman, a member of OPAN’s National Older Persons Reference Group, a dementia advocate, and a member of the Council of Elders.
It seems fitting to end this column with a quote from her webinar contribution:
“It’s really important to remember that the generation that is entering aged care now, post-war babies, we grew up in the 60s and burned our bras. We grew up in a time of free love. A lot of us are still uninhibited. We want to have sex, but at the same time, people have a right to say no, and no means no. But in aged care, particularly in residential aged care, we need to encourage people to have sexual relations. It’s okay, you’ve done it all your life. It’s okay to do it when you’re 80. Younger people often think that we can’t perform. For that nanosecond, you’re pain-free. Your mind, if you’re living with dementia, it goes clear as you’re having an orgasm. Very good for you. I encourage everybody to do it.”
– Gwenda Darling, 2024.
This article is featured in National Seniors Australia’s quarterly member magazine, Our Generation.
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