I’m a grandmother, not a child carer!

Do you remember the days when being a grandparent was about enjoying select occasions with the grandchildren and then handing them back to their parents and getting on with the rest of your retirement? 

Times have changed and grandparenting is not what it used to be, especially during a cost-of-living crunch and interest rate hikes. 

Two in five grandparents with a grandchild aged under 13 provide some childcare. The proportion providing childcare was higher (63%) if the youngest grandchild was under 10 rather than 10–12 (33%). 

National Seniors Australia research found nearly 27% of grandparents provide regular care to grandchildren or other children under the age of 12.  

However, their feelings towards the task are mixed and can vary widely from joy and a sense of fulfillment to doubt and resentment. 

Grandparents provide childcare for a variety of reasons, including supporting parents’ work, connecting with and building relationships with the grandchildren and the family, and being useful in retirement. 

A lot of grandparents believe childcare is one of their major contributions to society but, sadly, many feel unrecognised despite the size of their in-kind economic contribution.  

The desire to give back is so strong that some people have chosen to “adopt” grandchildren. Some felt they were missing out and wanted more active grandparenting roles that led to closer relationships with their grandchildren.  

In other cases, the obligations and expectations associated with caring for grandkids brought about feelings of dread or resentment. Some seniors felt they had no choice but to fulfil their children’s demands to provide care, sometimes at their own financial and emotional expense. 

Grandparents told our researchers they believed the public and family neglect is hurtful and compounded by strong voices saying that older Australians should be taking on greater economic burdens, as they are better off than younger generations. 

Productivity Commission data for every state and territory shows out-of-pocket childcare costs have risen substantially for families. 

Victorians pay the highest daycare bill. On average, 50 hours of centre-based care costs $626 a week. 

Last July, the government increased its childcare subsidy for families earning under $530,000. However, according to a report from the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission quoted by News Corporation publications last year, fees rose by nearly double the rate of wages and inflation between 2018 and 2022. 

This is the background to a provocative newspaper article penned by a grandmother that has stirred up an emotional debate about grandparents pressured by their children into being child carers. 

In The Age and Sydney Morning Herald, writer Avril Moore said that while she enjoys being a grandmother, she and her husband should not be expected to shoulder the responsibility of looking after their grandchildren all the time. She says they should be allowed to enjoy their retirement without the “abject drudgery” of full-time childcare. 

So, she told her three adult children she would not be available for childcare –which, in this instance, meant all-day babysitting several days a week while the child’s parents were at work. 

“As parents, a good part of my life and that of my husband’s has been dedicated to raising our own three children and neither of us wish to take on that level of responsibility again,” Ms Moore wrote in her opinion piece. 

“Furthermore, I resent the fact that despite the equal involvement of said partner during those years and now as grandparents, the expectation is that I alone, by virtue of my sex, should somehow be participating in childcare regularly.” 

She said she has seen other grandmothers become resentful – particularly when parents criticise them for not doing things the “right way”. 

She prefers the traditional “grandparent role”, which includes visiting, engaging in activities, and days out. However, she draws a clear line at providing full-time childcare, pointing out the significant difference between occasional visits and “8am to 6pm babysitting several days a week while parents work day jobs”.