Money is a leading cause of stress in relationships. For many people, it is an off-limits topic. Maybe you are insecure about your financial situation, and talking it over with your partner would mean dealing with the reality of your circumstances. Or maybe you have never considered discussing finances with your partner and figured everything takes care of itself. 

But money will seriously impact any choices you and your partner decide to make or not to make. Are you going to buy another house? Gift money to your children? Downsize your home? Retire early or plan to fund retirement living? Each of those things takes a considerable amount of financial planning. If you are not on the same page or do not share the same values when it comes to money, it can cause problems down the road. 

First things first: if you and your partner do not have joint finances, you will need to outline your respective money situations to map out your financial future. The first thing you need to do is to disclose where you each stand financially.  

This conversation is where you go over all the basics: how much you earn if you are still working (net income), your pension income, how much you owe (loans, mortgage, credit cards, and other debt), and how much you spend and save (down to how intensely you budget, if you budget at all). Now is also the time to take note of anything you might be concerned about with your partner’s financial situation, such as debt. A little consumer debt may be manageable, but if you found out your partner owed thousands of dollars, would that be something you could manage? 

Remember that sharing goes both ways — whatever you want to learn about your partner, they should get to learn the same about you. If you have accrued significant debt, be honest about it. It is much easier to tell them early on how much you owe and figure out a plan of attack than wait until your debt has skyrocketed to an unmanageable amount. Neither of you needs to be perfect, but you do need to be on the same page and be open to working through current or future money problems together. 

Access to information serves as a safety measure, so everyone knows what financial decisions are being made. 

You and your partner should have equal say (and equal power) in financial decisions. If there is a money imbalance that is not equalised, someone will end up with hurt feelings. 

Financial therapist, Amanda Clayman, says, "Money can bring up a lot of feelings, sometimes inadequacy, sometimes resentment, sometimes a lot of feelings about dependence. If we treat these feelings as welcome and valid. Talking about money can help us grow closer emotionally." 

Both partners should be active participants in financial decisions. No one has sole control. No one gets to opt-out. 

"The old adage, my partner handles the money because they're more financially savvy, does not work long term, because it sticks one partner with all the risk if something goes wrong," says Clayman. 

Money mistakes happen, and if one person is solely in charge, there is too much room for blame and resentment instead of connection. 

Talk in-depth with your partner about how your money looks now, what is your plan for the money, and find out whether your financial habits and goals are compatible. Information about finances should be shared openly and transparently. 

If you have always dreamed about buying an investment property or saving for retirement living, you may be fine foregoing large expenses until you have saved the money, but is your partner on board with the plan? Conversely, say your partner is the one with the big money goals - are you interested in those goals and willing to make sacrifices to accomplish them? It is okay if your money goals are not perfectly aligned. You will have to be willing to compromise to get to a place that makes both of you happy and fulfilled, financially and otherwise. 

"We can still have areas of negotiated privacy," Clayman says. "You can still say we agree to put this much money into the joint account. We agree that these are the joint expenses, and this is the amount we have left over for making our personal decisions." 

Some couples choose to set up a joint bank account, while others keep their money separate for their entire lives. 

You do not need a joint bank account as a couple, but you at least need a joint budgeting spreadsheet. No matter how you structure your accounts, if you are sharing the decision-making power over a pool of money, a joint spreadsheet is an invaluable tool to track money and where it is going. If you are not up for sharing accounts, but you and your partner decide that between the two of you, you will spend $500 on shared food for the month. If you have got a spreadsheet set up, you can track your spending every time you buy something you consider part of that budget.  

Combining finances or not comes down to personal preference. You may feel you need to protect yourself and keep your finances separate. Others, however, might prefer setting up joint accounts to simplify things. Regardless, you still need to be on the same page about budgeting because it is highly likely that most of the things you spend money on will be shared. Try to have these conversations sooner rather than later. The more proactive you are about starting open conversations about these topics, the better off you will be in the long run. 

For further reading: NPR and NBC NEWS