Embracing nostalgia

When Tanya lost her mother to cancer at six, she faced her toughest ever battle, to live life without her beloved Mum.

Tanya discovered that she could keep her mother's memory alive by including her in life's special moments, walking down the aisle in her mother's wedding dress, the most powerful of them all.

“I could almost picture her standing right there next to me and smiling...”

Losing a parent at a young age is especially difficult. Being so young, Tanya reflects on the profound impact of the loss and the permanent void it left that nothing could ever fill.

Shelley Andreetta, Grief Counsellor and Trainer at GriefLine, explains that losing a loved one is not just about the initial loss, it’s also about the loss of the relationship, the loss of the lifestyle and the loss of the future.

For Tanya, her grief never really went away; instead, her relationship and understanding of her mother evolved over time beside her.

Ms Andreetta echoes this, explaining the notion that our loved ones are forgotten is a myth, that these special relationships are not static, but instead evolve and mature together with us.

As Tanya grew up and explored the world, she found different ways to honour her mother's memory and stay connected to her.

Participating in the Conquer Cancer Charity bike ride for three years in a row is a lovely example. A deeply personal and challenging experience for Tanya, it reminded her of the struggles her mother faced which gave her a renewed sense of purpose. Though, nothing would come close to the feeling of connection she experienced when she walked down the aisle in her mother's wedding dress.

“My Dad, a sentimental soul, kept many keepsakes of my Mum. Among the treasures was her beautiful wedding dress which he preserved inside a wooden chest until I was old enough to have it,” Tanya recalls.

As fate would have it, when Tanya was preparing to marry her soulmate, she met a wedding dress designer, and together they decided to bring the dress to life again.

Despite the wedding dress symbolising her parents' love and commitment shared decades earlier, Tanya began to feel a deep sense of melancholy, for as happy as she was, there was a deep sense of sadness knowing her mother wouldn't be there on her special day. 

American PhD, Dennis Klass's Continuing Bonds theory validates these emotions, emphasising that grief is ongoing, and that we remain connected with our loved ones, often for our entire lives.

Tanya found comfort in entrusting the wedding dress to the dressmaker, feeling her mother's presence beside her. When she finally put on the dress and saw herself in the mirror, she was overcome by a powerful wave of emotions. Seeing herself as a bride, wearing the same dress her mum had worn on her own wedding day brought many emotions to the surface.

“My wedding day was a moment of pure joy and I am so happy that I made Mum's dream a reality,” says Tanya.

Tanya’s story is a wonderful reminder that the passing of a loved one may end a life, but it does not mean we have to end our connection with them. Tanya's treasured items her father kept for her, the dress, old photographs and other small treasures, all helped create a vivid picture of who her mother was.

Studies surrounding grief agree that we have come a long way in our understanding of grief and bereavement, but also agree that we still have a long way to go.

Ms Andreetta says, as a society we really don’t grieve all that well. People often ignore their hearts' needs due to societal pressures, however it's crucial to listen to our hearts and honour our emotions.

Grief is uncomfortable but inevitable. It becomes a part of us, whether it arrives as ripples or tsunami waves. However, we should be open to the idea that grief can become more peaceful and positive in a world where memories and connections with our lost loved ones have space to grow, even in their absence.

Perhaps then, we might learn to acknowledge the pain of grief, while also celebrating the presence of those we have loved and lost. Tanya’s connection with her mother is a beautiful testament to that.

With an archive of over 2 million notices spanning three decades, My Tributes is more than just a website, it’s a trusted space for families to safely and respectfully preserve their loved one’s memory.

Whether people need to inform the community of a recent loss through a death notice, to honour and celebrate a cherished life with a moving tribute notice or eulogy or find a local funeral director who understands the intricacies of memorial planning, My Tributes is Australia’s most trusted destination for families to preserve their loved one’s legacy for future generations.

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