Guidelines for grandparents
While looking after your children’s children, you should be mindful of the rules they live by.
Grandparenting can be a lot of fun. In fact, it’s often said, in jest, that grandparents enjoy spoiling their grandchildren because they know they can always give them back when they misbehave.
While this adage may capture the affection and sense of freedom many grandparents experience, it should also serve as a gentle reminder that the role of grandparent – although special – comes with boundaries.
For many older Australians, retirement brings the joy of spending more time with grandchildren. But navigating the fine line between loving support and overstepping parental authority is crucial to maintaining strong family bonds.
If you are not the child’s primary caregiver, then you need to remember that your role is to support the kind of parenting they experience at home.
According to therapist Tina Chummun, in an interview with Huffington Post UK, conflicts often arise when grandparents unintentionally undermine parents.This can happen in everyday decisions about what the child eats, bedtime routines, or how discipline is handled. While many grandparents act out of love, repeated interference can cause parents to feel disrespected or dismissed, sometimes resulting in tension or even reduced contact.
Common pitfalls to avoid include:
Offering parenting advice without being asked, as it may come across as critical or patronising. Today’s parenting styles can differ from previous generations, and it’s important to respect those changes.
Whether it’s handing out lollies after their parents said no, or ignoring screen time rules, overriding decisions can confuse children and undermine parental authority.
Handing out lavish gifts or treats without consulting parents can create unrealistic expectations and cause discomfort, especially if parents are trying to teach moderation or manage their finances carefully.
Whether it’s disciplining a child or making big decisions, it’s important not to assume a parental role unless explicitly invited to do so.
As with many things in life, communication is key. Having open conversations about roles and expectations can avoid future conflict.
As a grandparent, you need to be clear about what you’re comfortable with and ask parents what kind of involvement they’d like from you. Listening without judgment goes a long way.
You should always embrace the role of grandparent with respect.
Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a second chance at parenting. Your support, wisdom, and love can enrich your grandchildren’s lives immensely – but only if it’s offered in partnership with their parents, not in place of them.
Related reading: Huffpost 1, Huffpost 2, Raising Children Network
