Stone skimming rocked by scandal
Nothing is safe when even a simple, joyful, well-loved game is rorted.
Passed down from grandparent to grandchild, skipping stones across water is a bond-creating rite-of-passage for the generations.
The grandparent teaches the essentials – angle, weight, velocity, shape, wind allowance – while the child learns the non-negotiable morality that the stone must come from the shore, skip so many times, and go the required distance.
So, news that the annual World Stone Skimming Championship, a usually peaceful event off the coast of Scotland, was rocked by cheating. Yes, age-old moral foundations were indeed shaken.
Held on the island of Easdale, population of about 60 people, the contest has simple rules: stones must come from the local quarry, be no larger than three inches (7.6cm), and bounce at least twice before sinking.
There are no cash prizes, no sponsorships – just a trophy and bragging rights, and for nanna and pop competitors, the adoration of the grandkids.
And yes, over-60s (men and women) have their own category with the opportunity to be crowned “Old Tosser”.
Skullduggery was detected when judges, led by Toss Master, Kyle Matthews, noticed some stones were far too smooth, with edges that suggested a “DIY sanding project” rather than “honest lump of island slate”.
Dr Matthews said the judges heard “rumours and murmurings of some nefarious deeds”.
“There was a little bit of stone doctoring,” he said. “They had shaped it so that it was perfectly circular and fitted our three-inch measurer.”
The dastardly cheaters owned up, apologised, and were promptly disqualified – presumably sent home to think about what they’d done.
Grandparents spent the rest of the day counselling their grandchildren about the horrors of dishonesty-in-stone-skimming.
By the way, Jonathan Jennings went on to victory as the contest's first American winner, skimming his stones a cumulative distance of 177 metres.
But I hear you object, one does not skim stones but rather skips them. So, here is some vital information for the educational and moral uplifting or your young charges:
Stone skipping and stone skimming both involve throwing flat stones across water to bounce, but they differ primarily in their competitive goals and regional terminology.
Stone skipping refers to maximising the number of bounces, while stone skimming measures the total distance travelled. I didn’t know that.
How it all works
Each competitor is allowed three skims, and for a skim to qualify, the stone must bounce at least twice before sinking. The distance achieved is then measured and judged.
The event includes various categories, with awards for the overall winner, best women's skim, and junior skimmers, among others.
The championships not only provide entertainment but also significantly boost the local economy and support community projects.
All profits from the event go to local charities and initiatives, helping to maintain the island's community hall, harbour, and museum. The event has become a cherished tradition, fostering community spirit and attracting visitors to the island.
Related reading: Stone Skimming, BBC
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